Thursday, July 15, 2010

I Am Not Who I Am

Before I start saying a thing here, I owe to tell the world why I entitled this post "I am not who I am". It may sound confusing (I know right), but I think this post will help me explain myself to those people who don't understand why I am behaving like this and that what they see everyday is just the typical me. The one who would always love to eat frozen yogurts and hang out. I want to tell the world that I am not who I am to their eyes.

I hate it when people tell me what should I and what should I not do. I hate it when they tell me when to stop. I hate being dictated what to share on Facebook, what to say to the world, what to write or who to love. I hate when people mingle with my stuffs, things that I would prefer to do alone.

I hurt when people tells me how miserable my life is. I hurt when someone tells me that I am ruining my life and that my life doesn't have a direction at all. For that is not who I am.

I would never want to live a miserable life nor would ever make it miserable on purpose. Someone who is sane enough won't even think of doing it and I am glad to call myself sane.
People think that I do the things I do now because I wanna ruin my life. People interfere, they meddle in my affairs and they do not even know the reason why I am doing those things so. I can hear some of them saying how I irritate them with my misdemeanors yet little did they know how their intervening irritates me much more.

They might be my friends, my parents, my relatives. They might be my lovers as well or any individual who wants to show their concern but they have to understand that they aren't the ones living my life for me and neither do I live my life for them. I am eighteen and of legal age, I have my life to live, and I know how to live it for myself. I have huge plans for myself, for my son, for my family. I might got lost track of the right direction once, but it doesn't mean that my life has to end there. I fully know in my heart what kind of spirit I possess. I am a very strong woman and I will accomplish a lot in the future. I am now starting to tell the world who I am.

I hate it when people interfere...when somebody instantly interrupts in the middle of my story-telling. Can't they just live their lives and leave other people alone? Leave me alone.
For what I need are the people I can call my friends and could stand seeing me on my ugliest side and not those who loves being there to criticize my mess. 'Cause what they see is not who I am. The way I behave could not tell them who I am. But I can.

I may be able to speak the language of human beings, and even of angels, but if I have no love my speech is no more than a noisy gong or a clanging bell. I may have the power to move mountains and even to rule the earth, but if I have no love, I am nothing 'cause just like any other person living, I love and I wish to be loved back. I am still enslaved with what I feel, I can cry caused by this loneliness but I chose not to. I chose not to be miserable and bitter any longer. I still miss the feeling of being in love and being loved back, and my heart still belongs to that man I call my Master. I still hurt up to this day, and I still long for the warm embraces but I chose to keep my pride with me for I am a vulnerable goddess, a mortal Hera, I fall and stand. And this is who I am.


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